Working Moms' Issue: How to travel with less guilt

Working moms, especially those who have to travel as part of the work and career advancement often have to face the guilt of leaving the kids behind. We worry about them, their school works, their health. We worry that they won't get the level of concern and kind of attention we, parents, can give them. Here are some suggestions to ease our worries away whenever we go on a travel.
1. Talk it out with the kids.
Make sure they understand the situation. Explain what the travel is about. The kids actually appreciate it when their mom makes an effort to share where she will go and what she'll be doing. When you come back from the travel, make sure to share your adventures and experiences.

Keep cool

That's what I tell myself, always. But, as we know it, it is easier said than done. There are a lot of moments when we thought the stress level couldn't get any higher. I tell you one instance. At 5:30 in the morning one day, Sean told me he needed my help in doing a project in HEKASI (Geography, History, and Civic Studies). And guess what, he needed it that same day. Pronto! He must be kidding!

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

I want to read Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I haven't been up to date when it comes to new releases. I only go to bookstores when my kids need school or art supplies or books for them. I don't read books nowadays because my hands are too full of mommy, office, and household works. I only learned about it after reading my Reader's Digest magazine. I'm glad I read the RD's interview and not the Wall Street Journal piece. I probably would not have wanted to read the whole book had I read that one instead.

But tomorrow I will make sure I have time to drop by at the bookstore to buy this one. Why? It's a book that (based on the interview) finally tells me it's fine to expect nothing less than the best from my kids and to work hard with them, sit with them every possible day to achieve that. I have a friend, she says - her kids have to be achievers - for she herself is an achiever, and why not? She works hard to teach them at home with their lessons. I too believe in that style - well partly because my mother also did.
In these current times of teenage violence, early pregnancies, etc., I believe that there are many opportunities to rethink our ways when it comes to instilling discipline to our children. It's common to hear old people nowadays saying that times are now different, parents get penalized for being too strict, and children in this generation do not behave appropriately anymore. Perhaps the old stricter way of doing things needs to be looked at in a different perspective. In the book, Amy Chua stresses about "balance", how important it is. And this is the main attraction this book brings to its readers.

But I have more other reasons to read the book. I want to read Amy Chua's controversial list. Also and more importantly, how she deals with her two daughters, whose personalities are quite poles apart. I am almost exactly in the same situation she is. I have two sons, the elder one having an easy-to- handle persona, and a younger one that gets into my nerve almost all the time - which requires me and my husband to have two different styles of parenting. I too agree with her that when the kids are younger, parents should give them limited choices for they are too young to make good judgment, and so with the proper foundation at the early ages - parents can give more room, more choices when they get older and become smarter. As for me, I only let the kids play or watch TV during weekends after they've done all their homework and have reviewed their lessons. No TVs on weekdays. Through this way, they learn (or so I hope) to do "First things first." Not that I myself religiously follow this rule, but I do want them to learn that responsibility comes first before fun. I can also relate very much with the book on to let or not let the kids do dangerous sport activities. As much as we do want our kids to explore, we want them first to be safe.

Again, there may be many other parenting approaches on how to put balance into this, Amy Chua's is a true test that there is no perfect way of bringing up the kids. How she managed to go through all the hurdles is something I'm really looking forward to know. After reading the book, I look forward to coming up with my very own list - we'll see if it becomes controversial (wink!).

The Controversial List
1. Attend a sleepover
2. Have a playdate
3. Be in a school play
4. Complain about not being in a school play
5. Watch TV or play computer games
6. Choose their own extracurricular activities
7. Get any grade less than an A
8. Not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama
9. Play any instrument other than piano or violin
10. Not play the piano or violin

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(Photo from allyblake.blogspot.com)

A mom's greatest challenge

Perhaps the greatest challenge that moms, and all parents, face is how to raise their children well, effectively  and equitably instilling discipline to them, while maintaining their poise, without exploding. For someone whose patience is as short as my, I don't know, eyelashes, I do consider this part of the job the toughest. I'm a mom to  two boys, one is a relatively calm, quite passive eight-year old and at the opposite end, an explosive, hyperactive four-year old. The hubby's away and I, a working mom, am basically handling all the things around here for now.

Among the things that I deal with on a daily basis is how to teach the younger one how to respect another's property, to not always grab whatever toy or book his brother is already holding, and to not scream when he could not have his way. The younger one is way too playful, a very rough player, and he doesn't seem to realize others could be hurt. The older one gets frustrated most of the time. He's  mostly torn between trying to play along with his brother and getting his share of playing with the toys he wants. And  I can always sense that he's keeping these frustrations all to himself and it's not at all healthy.  Teaching him to deal with that is another challenge.

The TV. Yes, it's the thing (besides when they're asleep) that can give my kids and the entire household a few hours of precious silence we all yearn during the day. Its great that the two share common interests on this part. But since I am cutting down their hours in front of the TV, this diversion is quite temporary.

And then, there's dividing my attention between attending to the needs of my busy grade-schooler and to the ramblings of my pre-schooler who always seems to try hard to get my attention when I'm helping his older brother with his homeworks. At bed time, the conversation gets a little noisy as they both want me to read  their favorite books. I don't know if this bothers me more than the guilt  that I feel whenever my older son tries to just sleep all by himself because I'm busy reading to his brother. At times like this, I  turn to the other members of our household, like my mother-in-law or my niece who lives with us, for help. And thank God they've been really helpful.

The peer pressure at school is another issue at hand. My son who's in an all-boys school is recently having difficulty expressing his feelings in a nice tone and is beginning to show a temper. Sometimes I'd hear words that really turns my head around and when I'd ask him where he got those words, he'd tell me their from fellow students, mostly higher grades, or those from the school bus service themselves. So I'd call the bus service and raise the issue. Although I pretty understand these are inevitable and sooner or later they'll be getting more of these in the outside world, I'd like my sons to learn these one at a time so  that I also have ample time to prepare for them.

And so on and so forth etc... I can go on and on with more stories. But the thing is - everyday is a challenge. I admit that most of the time, I can't maintain my poise, it's not easy to be cool. But then everyday I try harder and harder. It's great that I get a lot of support from other members of our household. They provide tremendous help in doing  the difficult tasks. Regular meetings with the concerned teachers and regular communication with the kids are also secret weapons. The interaction and communication is vital into nurturing the kids' intellectual, emotional and social growth. I make it a must to be the one to take my preschooler to school at least 2 times a week so there's frequent face to face communication with the teacher. And I'm always there to assist my grade-schooler every morning at breakfast before he goes to school. That's the time when we talk about who's bullying who in school. It's a great time to do the check and balance with the kid's emotional and social whereabouts.  As for my younger one, I've realized that I myself need to be physically fit because it's not very easy to play along such energy when I myself is not that physically active a person.

Being a mom is an endless learning experience. I'm having difficulties yes, but enjoying every moment of it, especially when they race to hug and kiss me when they see me at the doorstep in the evening.